Christmas has passed. Take a deep breath. Ok, I just did. Why don’t I pay attention to that little person in my head that says, “Kathy, your tired, your feet are on fire, your legs are aching and your shoulders are so stiff you can hardly move? My heart is huge, and I want to do all the things that I could do before I got sick. I use to make dozens of cookies around the holidays but now, I can only make so much to give as gifts.
I start to feel guilty because I did not get over to see friends. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t seem to get myself together. Too much pain and way too much fatigue. I just started on two new medications for blood pressure and add my Fibromyalgia to the mix, I’m like a zombie. Well, that’s pushing it! You know what I mean.
I don’t have a cleaning person because I’m that person! I also have three animals to take care of so it does not take too much to finally knock me out of service for awhile. My body can only do so much, and as much as I want to play – I know who takes care of me (that would be Mr. F), and I reciprocate as much as I can. Sometimes, I just do not have the energy to get on the phone or meet for lunch. I would love to have the company yet, I am embarrassed to ask people to come visit me. How do I convince others that I really am sick? I cannot continue to feel guilty for being sick. How would you feel? What if this were you? How would you handle it?
Next year, I will buy little gifts for our neighbors/loved ones. I just cannot stand in the kitchen for long periods of time baking cookies.
I should not feel guilty because this is my life now. It sucks! My friends and family mean the world to me but in no way am I playing possum – those aches, sharp pains are the real deal. Sometimes I just need to take a break, and rest my body completely.
If you are chronically ill – have a visible/invisible disability please know you do not have to be “Super Man” or “Super Woman.” You do not have to feel guilty either for being sick. I understand so well. Take one day at a time and explain to people why you can’t do what you use to do.